If you've ever liked anything I've written, you probably owe some thanks to Simone Seol.
She's my go-to marketing teacher but she's so much more than that. She's a fearless thought leader who encourages us to root in our humanity and vision for a better world.
I just signed up for her upcoming marketing course: Truth or Dare. And in it- we're getting bolder, truthier, and more risqué than ever before.
In the homework before the challenge even starts: she encouraged us to share one of our biggest fears.
And I was like "oh f*ck no!". My immediate thought was to share A FEAR but not my BIGGEST fear because omgewwwwnothanks.
But alas, that is not the point of the challenge. I truly believe there's some more brewing below the surface for me and I know to access it, I'm going to need to scare myself a little.
So here goes: my biggest fear is coming across as unprofessional.
Ugh. Even typing that makes my stomach squirm and my heart race.
Let me give you some context:
Through all of my therapist schooling (undergrad & graduate school), my professors were big on the whole "blank slate" thing. Picture the quiet, nodding Freud sitting in a chair not even facing his client as they lay on the couch.
Over and over again I heard: "Don't let your clients know a single thing about you. You're supposed to be a mirror for folks to see themselves". I had mentors who took off their wedding rings, hid photos of their kids off their desk, and wore clothing with no words on it all in measure to come across as the proverbial "blank slate".
And I did this for a loooooooong time.
But something didn't quite feel right.
The overwhelming majority of my clients are members of an oppressed group: women and gender minorities, members of the LGBTQ+ population, sex workers, single mothers, people of color, and folks living with disabilities.
It wasn't until I took a workshop with Lucie Fielding (trans therapist and author of Trans Sex) that she validated something I'd been feeling all along:
Blank slates don't really create safety with folks who experience ongoing chronic oppression.
Which is what I'd been feeling all along. It almost felt like the "professionalism" of the blank slate was re-creating dynamics of oppression I didn't feel comfortable with.
I am not smarter than you or more all-knowing. It's not my right to judge you or tell you what's best for you.
THAT is re-creating systems of oppression.
That is not something I want to be a part of. I want you to know that I stand in solidarity with you as we fight these systems, not because I know more (I don't) but because I'm struggling under the same systems too.
Just like you, I'm struggling to find hope and peace in a world that seems hell-bent on erasing our voices, our art, and our very being.
So yeah, I might come across as "not professional enough". But if being "professional enough" is a marker of upholding the status quo, then I don't want it.
I assume if you're reading this, you already know more about me than your average therapist and you're okay with that. If you're not okay with that, there are loads of blank-slate-therapists out there you can call!
Okay.
That wasn't so bad.
Love,
Eleanor
P.S. I've also come to accept that my style is literally and figuratively more casual. Literally because I am either always coming or going from one of the following 3 things:
1. Wrangling my 3 & 5 year old
2. Napping
3. Going to the gym or dancing
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